Alisya

Time passes but it feels faster than before. Not that time could actually go faster or slower, it is just my perception of time that changes. As I look at the semi translucent Ikea clock against the plainly awful off-white colour of my bedroom wall, I can't help but wonder, is this it? Is this finally the end of me going home all by my lonesome self? Me being able to roam around the house with only one foot of cloth that covers my unmentionables? The last of me eating eggs cooked in a rice pot along with a few pieces of frozen bread that has been sitting in the freezer from two weeks before? Well maybe that part isn't that bad.

As you may have presumed by now, I am about to leave my single life. Sure, at the age of twenty-four, some might say that it is the right time to get married albeit a little bit sooner than the average Malaysian. I have a reliable car, a house on the way and a stable job. I might not have savings like the trust fund of a world renowned celebrity's kid but it is enough to cover myself and a significant other for a few months of unemployment, God forbid.

But (there is always a but), little doubts start creeping inside my head. Will she be the same as she is now in ten years time (I know it is impossible for people to not change overtime, but when she changes,is she going to change for the better?) Can she really quit her job (she loves her job) and raise our future children like she said she would? The most important question though, is she really the one for me?

It would be unfair to only view how she would be after marriage. I do have doubts about myself as well. I don't know if I have the dexterity and capability to love someone till the end of my life. I guess four broken relationships tend to do that to a person. I don't know if I could be able to lead someone to Jannah like a good Muslim should. I don't know if I could be a good father to my future children. Who are we kidding? I'd be an awesome dad(...well I hope).

I guess only time will confirm or unbuckle these doubts. Well it is ten o'clock now. I should give my baby a call.